Christmas Day....Lots of Presents

Well, we had a great time last night at Chads grandma's house. We had good food and great company with each other. It is always nice to see everyone. Today, Barb is having over her side for dinner. One thing here, is they are all great cooks. Taylor, Aiden and her cousins were spoiled with way too many gifts... but they don't think so! It was so cool to see Aiden open his presents. He was just so happy and squealing with joy. Taylor and her cousin Otto were having Nintendo DS fever all day today. We also celebrated the real reason for Christmas last night at a little old country church here in Michigan. It is such a sweet thing to hear your kids sing good old Christmas songs. Taylor loved the candle lighting at the end of the service, although I was a little nervous about that. Hope you all have a great day with your families. - Oh and Travis and Jennifer - I hear you view my blog! I hope you had a great Christmas and I hope Santa brought you lots of presents!

Merry Christmas from Michigan

Well, we made it up to Michigan on Saturday. It is a winter wonderland up here that is for sure. It has snowed a little everyday (yipee!). It is nice for the kids and Chad to be able to enjoy the Zeigler side of things up here. Aiden just loves everyone. He met his all of Chad's relatives for the first time. He just loves the attention. He is probably wearing out the grandparents! He loves the snow and went on a little snowmobile ride yesterday. Taylor loves snowmobiling as well. I hope you all have a great Christmas. Wish we could be with you all but this is what happens when friends and family lives all over the world.
I am trying out my new camera Chad got me today. It is an SLR Cannon Rebel XSI, I LOVE it. What a great hubby I got! I am just learning it so if the pictures are a little blurry you know why.
Tonight, we will be going to Chad's grandma Zeigler's for some yummy food and exchanging presents with his side. Mom, dad wish we could be with you but will see you soon. I am missing that good old Pennsylvania dutch filling and dried corn. Merry Christmas!

This is really good - Advent Conspiracy... Christmas

I just found this video on my friend Stephanies church's website : (http://valleychurch.tv/blog.php) ... It is so good. I had to look it up on "You Tube" and embed it here. It is so true! Thanks Stephanie, for all your kind words and words of encouragement. This video is powerful.

Taylors Christmas Program

I will post some video here tomorrow of Taylors program (for the family who checks this blog to get updates I thought you might like to see it)... It was great, wish you could have been here. Taylor did a good job and Aiden actually was really good. It is great seeing Aiden in awe of the Christmas music and clapping... just to think last Christmas he was stuck in an orphange with no heat and so sick! I am so thankful for him... Here are a few pictures. You have to love when you are trying to get pictures of your family how it turns into a three ring circus!

Tissue anyone?

I just had to post this... I asked Aiden to go get a tissue. About 5 minutes later I hear this soft "mom mom"... this is what I found

Gearing up for Christmas...

So, for the last few weeks we have been gearing up for Christmas. This year we are going to Michigan for Christmas. It will be nice for Taylor to see her cousins whom she just loves. I think it will be interesting for Aiden to see all the snow, I hear they have a foot of it. I am not looking forward to the 16 hour drive in the car with Aiden. Going to Massachussets wasn't bad, but he was constantly saying, "mom mom"... so I am thinking after 16 hours I may be going crazy. That is the only thing with being in the military. It seems like we are never home for Christmas, it is us going to someones house. It seems like we are always the ones going. One day we may just have to come up with our own traditions... but it is hard letting go of wanting to be with extended family.

I love being with my family, going to Christmas Eve service, and then usually my grandparents have us all in for appetizers. It is hard being every where at once though. I really want my kids to have some traditions of knowing the real reason behind Christmas and not just the gifts. It seems like Christmas is so focused on that. I think that is why I have been a little stressed out. It just isn't how it once was. I guess that is on me as a mom to make sure she knows what the true meaning is. This year, Taylor made Christmas boxes for children less fortunate and sent them off. I think she enjoyed doing that. Tomorrow night is her Christmas show. She told me she is a "national" singer. I asked her what that meant and she said, "That I am one of the best singers in my class"... always so humble.

Aiden is doing great. He started his early intervention for communication this week. He learned the sign for "more". So now he does it all the time. He is such a cutie pie if I do say so myself (haha). Well, I am signing off... hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Worldwide Candle Remberance December 14

Worldwide Candle Lighting
The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting®, held annually the second Sunday in December, this year December 14, unites family and friends around the globe as they light candles for one hour to honor and remember children who have died at any age from any cause. As candles are lit at 7 p.m. local time, creating a virtual wave of light, hundreds of thousands of persons commemorate and honor the memories of children in a way that transcends all ethnic, cultural, religious, and political boundaries.

Its been awhile since I have posted. Christmas is suppose to be happy and all but sometimes do you ever feel overwhelmed? Or that your joy is taken? I guess I let my joy get robbed a few times in the last few weeks. Did you ever have someone say something to you that you just can't believe and it kept knawing at you? I really have to work on letting things go...

I guess another thing is Christmas is a time for family and friends, but it is also a reminder of the child who should be here and is not. Holidays, and the dates surrounding his birth, death are all so hard. I am reading this good book right now about how this pastor who was a grief minister lost his son. http://www.amazon.com/Life-After-Death-My-Son/dp/0834123657 It is so well written. It is one of those books which really explain what it is like to lose a child. It validates that it is okay to grieve at the pace you need to. I think it would be great for anyone who is family, minister or the person who had a loss to read. Its interesting that after a year, I feel like people expect you to move on, don't talk about it, and really want you to move on from feeling sad. So of course, I have learned to live the new normal and concentrate on everything else... but it just hurts so much. I guess it makes other people uncomfortable and that is understandable, but imagine losing one of your children and how uncomfortable that would be. All parents who have lost a child, just want them remembered or don't forget about the pain that it has caused for the parents who have lost them.

I am thankful for a few of my good friends who do remember and let me talk about my journey. I am eternally grateful for that, it means the world to me to have that release of a few confidants. Grief is a funny thing, one day you can be happy and loving life and then something happens to remind you of what you are missing. I am so glad that God, has helped me and given me hope for the future, he is one person who never leaves and is always there. The paster in this book said that he counseled someone who lost a stillborn and it was the grandmother he was counseling. He said, he realized that it didn't matter if someone lost a child that was 16 or a newborn, a childs death is the death of hopes and dreams for the future. It is so true. For us, he was 5 years in the making.

So thanks for listening to me ramble on about this. No don't worry, I am not plunging into a depression or anything like that. Sometimes I just got to get it out though. Somedays are harder than others. Am I glad for the family I have, of course over and over. I love Taylor and Aiden with all my heart. But it doesn't take away from the experience of what happened and the child lost. I am so thankful for Aiden coming into our family and the happiness he has given us. He is such a blessing.

Thanks for letting me bare my soul on this post... Usually, I write on my other blog, that is for my eyes only, but I just felt like sharing. It is one of those rainy days today so I guess that doesn't help things. Monday, I will be attending a Memorial Service for a rememberance day for those who are not with us for Christmas. I just need to take time and remember... although I never forget.